Home
 
Previous | Memories | Tell a Friend | Next
 
Alexandria
firefaerie19
15 July 2007 @ 05:29 pm
Into the abyss will I run.  
Its fucking hot as hell here in Palm Bay.

Its 90 something degrees out here, and the random rain showers aren't making it better, its in fact making it worse, making it more humid and making it feel like its over 100 degrees. And to top it all off my air condition broke yesterday. I have absolutely no cool air in my house, it feels like a furnance now. I'm dying of the heat.

We have no clue when we can get it fixed, it might cost over $1200 to replace whatever it is that broke, and that is money right now that we definitely don't have. So much shit has been happening these past months that I haven't really talked about. My dad lost his 2nd job, which really helped us with the financial stuff, now that he only has one job now, its really hurting us. His job now really does not pay him enough, what he gets there and what my mom gets go towards the bills and thats all.

My mom has been telling him to go and get a job but my dad has been fucking lazy, and hasn't done a damn thing. He just sits around, and ignores the fact, or probably doesn't care that we are in a serious rut. We can barely buy food, we're running out of money for gas, and we're having to not pay some bills. So now my parents are fighting, my mom is mad at my dad and nothing is getting better. I'm worried for my family, and worried that things aren't going to get better. I'm pissed at my father because of what he has done and said to us about this whole situation. I'm pissed at the fact that my dad doesn't seem to care, and hasn't done anything to help us. I'm angry at the fact that nothing can ever go right for our family, that something always has to happen to fuck things up even more. I'm just fed up with everything right now.

And what really bugs me is that I can't help them, at all. If i didn't have my music lessons and other music stuff to pay for, that money right there could go towards things that we need right now. I hate that I feel so helpless and useless.

I don't mean to sound like a drama queen or whatever. But life right now sucks.

Period.
 
 
Current Mood: angry
Current Music: Stricken by Disturbed
 
11 comments | Leave a comment
 
( 11 comments — Post a new comment )
belelmo27cien: each other's back[info]belelmo27cien on July 16th, 2007 02:25 am (UTC)
So sorry to hear about your situation. My life wasn't so good when I was living with my parents, either, but when I think back then now, I feel all the struggles at that time or even now haven't been wastes. I kind of understand how you feel about being helpless. It's good that you have music and friends, and on top of that, you have so much ahead in your life as you're so young.

Keep your chin up, Alex!
Alexandria: Cameron - Kiss[info]firefaerie19 on July 17th, 2007 02:21 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much Bel. I don't know what I would do without my music, it really has helped me get through so much, between school and my personal life.

Omg Bel, I heard about the earthquake in Japan, we were talking about it in American Government, and the first thing that I thought of was you, is everything okay with you? are you alright?

I hope that everything is okay with you, and that nothing devastating happened.

♥
belelmo27cien: TWN tennis ball[info]belelmo27cien on July 17th, 2007 03:08 pm (UTC)
Thanks for asking about the earthquake. We had a long-weekend, but first we had typhoon, then the earthquake. Neither really hit Tokyo where I live, but there have been casualities. It is certain that we're going to have a big earthquake in Tokyo in the near future, and I don't know if I'll survive that, but you know, it's not worthwhile worrying about it now. hehe.

Alex, don't ever give up music!
Alexandria: Keanu and Sandy[info]firefaerie19 on July 17th, 2007 04:47 pm (UTC)
omg, thats insane, all that in one weekend! Geez. But its sad what happened over there. Well I am really glad you're doing okay Bel. And ahh, don't talk like that! heh, thats scary, and sad. :(

Thanks Bel, I won't give up on that. :)

♥
Becky[info]beckytheshrink on July 16th, 2007 03:51 am (UTC)
I am so sorry to hear about all this :-( It will all get better soon I promise. Just stay strong. I will pray for you and your family.
♥
Alexandria: But I can Dance - TLH[info]firefaerie19 on July 17th, 2007 02:22 pm (UTC)
Thanks Becky. I really appreciate it. Thanks for keeping us in your prayers.

I hope I get to see you soon.

♥

Cec: Prison Break - Sara4[info]cecism on July 16th, 2007 05:25 am (UTC)
I'm sorry to hear about your troubles, Alex! It's natural to be worried, but try not to let it get you down. Especially about your music lessons and things. Those lessons are your outlet, and nothing is worth sacrificing them for. Take care, mm'kay? ♥
Alexandria: Keanu - Temptation[info]firefaerie19 on July 17th, 2007 02:25 pm (UTC)
Thanks Ces, I understand what you're saying, my mom even said she doesn't want me to give it up, I just feel like its bringing us down though. :/

And I'll try to not let it get me down, but its like my whole family is upset and whatnot, heh.

Thanks again Ces! :) ♥

sandykeanufan: Young Love[info]sandykeanufan on July 16th, 2007 05:58 am (UTC)
So sorry to hear this Alex. I totally understand where you're coming from since I've been there before. My dad was a problem too. well I dunno now if he still is , since my parents are no longer together, so I have no clue. I'm just sad that he's not doing anything about this situation, when you said that is a serious matter.. you said you guys can barely buy food? Like I said , my dad was like that before when I was younger.. but my mom didn't care because she took care of us (4 kids)... my mom's a fighter.

Don't worry everything happens for a reason and this can only make you and your mom stronger. I pray that your dad would come to his senses and just get a second job. And don't feel that your music is a burden , like Ces said it's your outlet and that's your life (to say the least).

I'll be praying for you guys and your dad as well.. and stay strong Alex. *hugs*
Alexandria: JMo - Favorite Smile[info]firefaerie19 on July 17th, 2007 04:55 pm (UTC)
Thanks Cheryll. I really don't know whats up with my dad, I mean he cares and all for us, I guess he just doesn't understand. He gets mad at my mom when she goes off on telling him about getting a job and whatnot. He actually just recently, like yesterday I think, finally applied for a job at Wal-Mart, so now we're waiting on a call.

Yes, I've heard that before, that going through this will make me stronger, and I totally believe that, especially since I have living proof of that, my mom. She suffered so much before she met my dad, with her first husband. its sad what shes told me. And about the music thing, my mom doesn't want me to stop either, I just can't help but feel that it is a burden since they ditch out so much money for my music. Its true though, it is my outlet, its helped me so much with my school, and personal life, and seriously without it, I don't know what would happened. I just want to wait till my dad gets a job before I start them again.

Thank you so much again Cheryll, I really appreciate the prayers. *hugs*

♥
sandykeanufan: Reunited[info]sandykeanufan on July 17th, 2007 07:21 pm (UTC)
That's good news Alex, I hope your dad gets that job at Walmart. That's a good start. I think he does want to help , but I guess when he lost that other job , it kinda put him in a down mood.

I think your mom knows that this is hard for you and she knows that your ready to give up your music if worse comes to worse. But that's the last resort, I don't think she wants you to do that either (give up your music).